I grew up loathing my Sunday mornings. The time spent in the pew from 8:00-9:30 seemed to be unending. My only hope was that my mom would be so enthralled by the utterances of the well intentioned preacher behind the pulpit that she wouldn't notice my incessant doodles on the back of the bulletin. I had no interest in learning, no interest in growth, and certainly no interest in a relationship with the Creator of all things.
So that is what my relationship with God looked like for most of my childhood, teen and even young adult years. He was something to be endured until something better came along; A long list of rules and regulations that we best not overstep for fear of smiting. I knew, sitting in that pew that I would never be able to live a life that would please someone like the guy in the suit in the pulpit. From my adolescent and ignorant perspective, the “straight life” I heard about on Sunday morning would never be a realistic aspiration for me because I was flawed. Naturally I ran from God and most especially the church and my heritage. I made it my mission to experience life and all that it had to offer. I found those around me that had taken most advantage of what this world had to offer and I did my best to emulate them.
All the while I had this hole inside me. It was a hole that needed to be filled as soon as possible. I threw everything into this hole; alcohol, money, drugs, clothes, women, anything and everything that I thought big enough to clog it. I needed to stop the nagging feeling that it was creating inside me.
When I think back on this time in my life I am reminded of a scene from the Lion King movie. The main character Simba has exiled himself from his friends, family and all that he knew of home due to a mistake in his past. He surrounded himself with friends whose motto was to take life as it comes. Their plan was not to worry about anything and to live life to the fullest without thinking about consequences, obligations, purpose or meaning.
But one night, Simba had a chance encounter with a Sage from his past who led him into a conversation with his deceased father. His father's words rang in my ears as if he was speaking to me directly through the screen. "Remember who you are, you are more than you have become"
It was when I came to the realization that God was not a list of rules written on stone tablets but a Father who wanted nothing more than to have a relationship with me, despite of all I had done to hurt Him. It was only then that I felt the edges of the hole inside me begin to recede and I wanted nothing more than honor Him with my life. What I did from that moment on no longer felt like an obligation to a guy in the clouds with a long beard, white robe and an iron fist but to a creator that saw fit to bless me, even when I was undeserving of blessing because I was His child.
I am blessed to serve at Ignite. God has entrusted me with His people that are all trying to find their way along this journey. While most differ in virtually every aspect of their lives, there is one thing they all have in common. There is one trait that they all share. When I look into their eyes, no matter what words are coming out of their mouth, their eyes always speak the loudest.
Some are confident, some are shy, some are successful and some are struggling. Some speak boldly some speak softly, some are articulate and some are not. But when I look into their eyes, I always hear, "Am I worth it? Am I really worth all of this love that you say God wants to give me?"
The blessing for me, comes from getting to tell them, God gave you breath because He wanted to have a love relationship with you. You may be a mom, you may drive a truck, you may lead men into battle or find the cure for cancer someday, but the primary purpose for God to assemble your atoms, protons and neurons together the way that He did is so that one day you would realize your need for salvation and learn to love Him in a way that resembles the way that He has always loved you.
What I missed in all of my years sullenly sitting in the pew on Sunday morning is that obedience comes when you first recognize that you are loved. When you truly and unconditionally love someone, the last thing you want to do is anything that would cause them pain. You desire nothing more than to spend time with them, learn more about them and serve them. You go where they ask you to go, not because of some desired result, but simply because they asked you to.
It is for this reason that I desire nothing more than all that God has for me. Whatever that means. I want to serve Him and teach others to love Him as I do. I want my life to speak of the love of Christ. I want the chance to look into the eyes of the searching, whatever the venue; to walk them down not only a path of salvation through Christ, but to a life of fulfillment through the power of the Holy Spirit.
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