This morning I walked by a group of four paramedics desperately trying to save a man who didn't really want to be saved.
Sometime around 7 am this man traveled up 6 stories to the top of the parking ramp next to my office, and made a permanent decision to jump to his death.
Of course while walking by, I had no details as to what had caused this ghastly scene. Out of respect for the man, and the men working over him, I crossed the road and passed on the opposite sidewalk. I refrained from gawking in that direction as I passed, but instead said a silent prayer that whatever ill that had caused him to be in his condition, would release it's grasp upon his life.
I was the first to arrive at the office and as my coworkers arrived, each told their perspective as they passed at their respective times of arrival. It was only then that I learned more details and somewhat embarrassingly admitted that although I passed by in what had to be only minutes before the man jumped, I knew the least about what had occurred.
Thinking back on the moments I looked down at my shoes as I passed by, I had no idea what had caused the man to be in this state, but I knew that there was nothing I could do, but say a silent prayer. He was in the hands of the professionals. If they couldn't save him, what could I do?
It wasn't until I realized that the man's condition was more deliberate, that a wave of shame swept over me. What if I had passed by this man in the past? What if he was the guy that asked me for bus fare a few days ago, when I lied and said, "Sorry man, I don't have any cash on me," for fear that he was looking to rob me.
What if yesterday afternoon, this guy was searching passersby for just one person to make eye contact with, just one soul to connect with because he had lost all hope. What if I was one of those passersby, but was too consumed in my own struggles and turmoil to give life to someone in desperate need of it. What if a smile and a warm "hello" from me could have been enough for him to just give it another couple of days for things to get better.
While I realize that I could spend so much time dwelling on these thoughts to the point of finding a parking ramp of my own, it makes me wonder what it would look like to slow down an look for opportunities to be that connection. What would it look like to try to connect with the disconnected?
Yep, I get it, it is messy. There are people out there who are willing to take advantage of kindness, viewing it as weakness. Someone I come into contact with could easily view my warm hello as an open door to exploit.
Yes, I know, there are those that will take that spare change they receive and exchange it for a substance they have developed an addiction towards. There are those who do not need another handout. Activities that enable dependence can serve to hinder growth in an individual that has made a lifetime of bad choices.
All that I know is that in those moments of passing I have developed so many justifications for looking the other way. As I think back on my silent prayer, I realize that it is entirely possible to affect the ills of those I come into contact with, long before they make a permanent decision.
